Graduating high school is another step into a whimsical adult life. Writing your personal statement and sending stacks of documents to a variety of colleges hoping they will take you in, you should also consider what kind of student you are going to be.

The way to position yourself will determine how you’ll spend these college years – either as a life if the campus or a bookworm without a girlfriend no one gives a monkey about. Strange it may seem, but the way you spend your college years essentially becomes the way you spend your adult life too. So keep your ears sharp and eyes of the prize. What type of student are you going to be in college?

Van Wilder

Party hard, for parents already paid for your entire four-five year college vacation. Writing a research proposal? Studying lessons? Doing homework? Doing charity work or falling into other socially useful activities rather than throwing parties and chilling around? Nope, you’re Van Wilder and all you have to think of is the venue for your next mind-blowing booze-up event. However, be ready to problems when having to take exams as even the richest parents will one day decide to not want having a 40 y.o. sophomore. Said that, no matter how cringe-worthy it sounds, studying once in a while will be required.

Sorority girl

Is being and strong woman in the eyes of the rest of world means everything to you? Do you believe being friends with everyone is your main interest in life? Do you also believe you can make anyone fall in love with you instantly? Don’t you mind sharing apartment with other girls, not to speak about food and even finances? Do you call your girls ‘sisters’ and seriously plan to visit each and one of them during summer holidays? Then you’re destined to become a sorority girl. However, this lifestyle requires plenty of devotion to your sorority sisters and ability to drink a lot. Plus, there’s a fixed belief sorority girls are windy in the head and… other body parts.


College is about studying, right? Last year is all about writing a dissertation to leave a mark in history? Why others don’t understand that and frequently call you names? Truth is, being a wonk deprives you of such college pleasantries as partying hard, falling in love overnight, having relationships with more than one person in five years, being popular and basking in the limelight, you actually have the highest chances to succeed in life. Get ready for a white-collar nine-to-six position, seven figures in the paycheck, blonde model-looking wife and a bunch of lovely children. However, balding hair, boodle of unfulfilled dreams and the feeling of being dead inside for years come with the package too. Should’ve partied harder back in college!

Sports guy

Being a sport person in college is perhaps the most bullet-proof variant. Depending on your sports talent and health span, you can either study a little or not to study at all, if you have a national-level talent embed into DNA in regards to baseball, football or basketball. Plus, you’ll be popular with girls, boys and even professors. But in case you catch injury and won’t be able to play sports any longer, there’ll be a huge crest put on your dreams going professional and earning crammer’s seven figures (for starters). So, hit the gym lightly and watch after your health day and night, for only one injury could demolish all your life aspirations down to none. Take a look around, every third pizza delivery guy was a college sports star back in a day. But look at the dude now, something eventually went wrong…


You were destined to become IT demigod or neurosurgery overlord in your mid-twenties. Everything you touch turns into gold, you dropped out of college because you already knew the curricular A to Z before even entering. You have like ten start-ups and at least half of them are to bring you more cash than a crammer and sports guy can pile up together. New things bore you fast, people seem to be below your level of intellect, it’s hard to find a person to talk to who stand on the same evolutionary ground as yourself. Still, you might find you living with parents in your mid-forties, so cut the humanity some slack once in a while and swap being so freakin’ prodigy to being a down-to-earth guy and all. Colonization of Mars can be postponed just a bit, so you could grab some drinks with the few pals.

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